The accident happens

When blamed for something that is not your fault, it affects your daily life. It’s unfortunate that in life, there are times we become victims to incidents that impact and change our lives forever. These horrific events are a picture that we constantly relive in our minds. We cannot escape those images, and it frightens us to the point of fear. Where we close ourselves to the world, afraid we will be going to get attacked again. It’s not your fault.

For example, I became the victim of an assault at the hands of a security guard with a metal detector. It sent me to the hospital with a concussion and five fractured teeth. I remember reliving the moment unconsciously the first night the nurses and doctors admitted me into the hospital. I scrambled to put words together in my head. All I could remember telling someone was, “it wasn’t my fault!” Luckily, footage of the incident showed that it was not my fault, and I was the victim.

What made it worse I had to repeatedly tell the police and other official representatives about the incident. The doctors recommended I talk to a psychologist about the incident because I became afraid of people. In my mind, I feared attack again. I secluded myself in my house for almost a year. Due to the painful trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder, and ashamed of who I was as a person.

The alter ego

The former me, a confident, loving, funny, and trusty worthy person, fell during my pain. The individual ego of the person could light up a room with his personality. He became a lonely human being trying to find himself and his place in this world. I trapped myself in my mind and was no longer the same guy anymore.

The new me is spiritual. Quiet at times, and believes that the incident happened for a reason to show me my purpose in life. The dreams and nightmares of the attack lasted for years till this day. After 19 years have passed since the incident. My alter ego wants to live again, but I’m having a hard time letting him out to the world.

It is this other side of us that dares to be brave when we want to fold. Being the victim holds you back, and your mind is in a place where your body doesn’t want to connect.

It’s not your fault

I am quick to label the people closest to me that I can’t trust because of something I am overthinking, which is likely, not true. I know this for a fact because for the last 20 years. The people closest to me have not only been my biggest supporters.

I’m not going to lie and say, “I don’t still think it’s my fault,” when something goes wrong. I automatically believe that I did something wrong. “What did I do to deserve this?” That’s the line that relates to being the victim. The impact of the assault years ago affects me the way I think it’s my fault, and could I have done something different.

Through the grace of God, I’ve remained spiritually grounded to help stay strong when I am weak, not to want to step out of my comfort zone. I’ve noticed that when I’m not around people or helping someone, I become less of myself and fall into anxiety.

Become the victor instead of the victim

I still talk to my psychologist weekly, and he’s always asking me if I helped someone this week. In the lonely moments, I found my strength, and I had to get stronger mentally to capture who I was as a person. It’s taken many years of falling and getting back up to push forward.

It’s not your fault that you were a victim, and you didn’t ask for that situation to happen to you.

It keeps playing in your mind, but you have to look for something to give you power over being the victim. When we help ourselves first and find out how strong we are, we put ourselves to the test to overcome life’s adversity.

We will no longer be the victim in our mind, of our circumstances, and we can become the victor to defeat being the victim. I didn’t realize that you have to be willing not to be afraid to fall to find out your best. You are more valuable than you think you are.