Over the weekend, I had planned that I write about nurturing hope while working on achieving my dream. Building my mindset that everything will be alright and will work itself out. My first self-published book, blogs, the podcast will open up new doors of opportunities. But then, it was interrupted by the anxiety that keeps interfering with the hope that everything will be alright.
For the first time in many years, I joined my dad and younger brother for coffee on Saturday morning at my dad’s favorite restaurant in Moonachie. Unfortunately, it was only 20 minutes into me sitting down and enjoying the moment that my hands began to sweat immediately. Reluctant to show my hands to them, I decided to turn my palms up, so they can see what I experience daily.
They were pretty surprised and taken back by the glistering of my hands as the lights in the restaurant shined down on my sweaty palms. I couldn’t explain it to them, but I knew that I was embarrassed that I was nervous and anxious about something while I was with my family. My brother immediately said to me, “stop worrying. Everything is going to be alright.”
Later that day, I got a phone call from a lady at unemployment. Of course, I was not expecting to hear from someone on a Saturday, but it shows you these representatives are working hard to help those, such as myself, in need during these difficult times.
I have exhausted all my money from stocks, savings, and other sources to maintain bills. Thank God for the stimulus and tax refund, but now that is almost gone. The unemployment rep told me to expect a call from someone this week regarding the problem I’m having with certifying for my weekly benefits.
Months have passed since receiving benefits. Relying on God’s word of faith, hope, staying in the light during times of darkness, and things he’s done for me in the past in delivering me through tough times keep me in the morning. It’s hard not to worry about money, bills, family, hopes, and dreams while staying in faith during times of adversity. As I’ve learned acupuncture to pay attention more to my body, sometimes my anxiety disorder is sending me warning signs to prepare for something to come.
For example, the unemployment office calling was why my anxiety started to kick into high drive on Saturday. I wasn’t angry at the lady who called as I listened to her ask me, “are you still having problems claiming your weekly benefits. I said, yes, I am.” Someone from the resolution department will call you this week.
Now, I have to find ways of action in nurturing the hope that everything will be alright and God will provide for me. My self-published book is currently delayed with production at the editorial company because of my finances. The challenges make the journey even more important to have the will of determination.
I’m working with the bill collectors that I am going through financial hardship with and informed them I will pay them. They know my history is consistently delivering on time and not having any late payments. I guess that’s one way to nurture hope by looking at the good things from the inside.
Recognizing the good things I’ve done during this stressful time and seeing the light ahead at the end of the tunnel gives me hope. I have moments when I can visualize what’s it’s like to be living in the moment of your purpose and having your eyes watery from the vision in your mind.
I have to build my mindset and repeat to myself that I will become successful, I am resilient, and I’m continuing to grow and nurture my dreams by my actions. I still deal with days that bring darkness and low energy mixed in with anxiety, but I can’t let it stop me from moving forward and conquering these thoughts that prevent me from achieving my purpose.