When I pray to God, I always say, “thank you for the blessings I have received, thank you for the blessings I haven’t received, but thank you for the blessings you are preparing me to receive.” Do you believe you are being prepared for something you prayed for but given a gift you didn’t realize you had until you were in despair? Would you be content with your gift? Would you share it with others to help them in their time of need?
Every summer, I always hit my lows after quitting a job to chase another job that wasn’t meant to be.
Then I resort to starting my own business only to fall short because of lack of confidence, fear of success, and lack of resources to prosper. Then getting hired again at another job. I make these indecisive decisions, which I believe are from numerous concussions that caused my mental health disorder.
Quitting jobs because I couldn’t see myself working there for the rest of my career or something just didn’t feel right about the atmosphere brought me down. When I was a car salesman, I would have anxiety attacks before customers visits, test drives, and selling as a sales consultant. My hands would sweat profusely and nervousness. It was the overthinking and constant worry and fear of the unknown that brought the additional stress.
I had an out-of-body experience in 2002, which was the result of the first concussion, and that is where Jesus Christ came into my life and shown something of myself, and I’ve been searching for it since then. It led me down a path to finding myself, which changed my life. The past 19 years, It’s been a rough and emotional path that I chose to walk, but I can say he never left my side when I kept fighting after falling hard so many times.
Interestingly enough, the path he lay for me to walk down showed me something about what I could do that I didn’t know I could do. Selling cars to strangers that you have to build a rapport within the first fifteen minutes. That’s not easy. That’s where I learned that I am different from others in being honest, patient, friendly, and I want to help others. The car industry wasn’t my thing. It was helping people that I learned my actual value in life.
I tried to start a used car business and sell used cars with a friend, but friendship and business don’t mix, so don’t try it. I lost a ton of money that I could’ve used to buy a new home for my family and grow my kid’s college funds, but I chose to start an operated car business which eventually I shut down after one year. I took a chance to try and better my children’s future and achieve success, but that wasn’t his plan for me.
I was given another chance and became a driver operator for a transportation bus company. Within the first five months of the job, I obtained a CDL license with a class A passenger endorsement, which took me to fail two tests, pass on the third, and eventually pass my road test. I didn’t think I would be a driver operator and let alone progress to drive a paratransit bus. I was evolving as a person and didn’t even realize it.
I wasn’t ready for what God showed me with people facing physical and mental challenges with their health, but it showed me their courage, strength, and will to keep fighting. It gave me a bigger heart to be a source of encouragement and provide support and safety for them.
During this journey, God opened a window for me during another horrific experience after suffering some injuries from a car accident and experiencing problems with my immune system. He gave me time to work on my talents and gifts, so I can now fulfill my purpose in life by becoming a best-selling author and life supporter for others in despair. It feels like I am coming full circle with my life and career that I was given another chance to live fully the life I’ve been searching for for 19 years.
Things are different this time around as the image I saw of myself is becoming my reality. I’m right where he wants me to be. He’s blessed me in ways that I could never even imagine. My faith, confidence, willpower, and awareness of what I can do are starting to become alive. Using my gift to motivate in helping to encourage others is my passion and my purpose in life, and I found my talent in despair.